Madeleine Morgan of Growu writes:
Whether you’re a business owner, a manager, an employee or a lover you will always have more success when you stop diverting mental and emotional energy into fear of making mistakes or criticising yourself for making them and start taking a more positive approach to your mistakes.
Being comfortable making mistakes is one of the hardest things to do. Our society is very judgemental about it.
But what people are really judgemental about is when those mistakes come from self-serving immoral actions or mistakes that are repeated because there’s been no attempt to learn something useful from them. An example that’s probably in all our minds is the endless list of illegal activities the banks are being fined for these days. It’s understandable that people would criticise those kinds of ‘mistakes’.
But…what about mistakes that are an essential part of our learning curve?
This week I was struck by something a horse trainer said on the radio that gave me the idea for this week’s tip. He mentioned that when his stable trains their horses they make sure the horses make lots of mistakes so that when the horses are under pressure in races, they can handle it.
Let’s get back to humans. How did we all learn to walk? We had to fall on our backsides a few times to get a handle on this thing called balance. Nobody criticised us for falling down. They just encouraged us when we did fall. And fortunately, we were not old enough to feel a lot of angst about falling over…we were just exploring and keeping an eye on our goal of walking.
I wonder if that’s why we can all walk. We didn’t give up, we didn’t compare ourselves to anyone and nobody told us we were ‘backward’ walkers or ‘a waste of space’.
“I always say the minute I stop making mistakes is the minute I stop learning and I’ve definitely learned a lot.” Miley Cyrus
My mother used to say, “If you never make a mess, you never make anything.” I wasn’t very convinced when I trod on my brother’s Lego bricks in my bare feet. I appreciate her words more now. (Image removed)
“I feel that people are basically trying to do their best in the world. Even when you see people making mistakes, you understand why they’re making a mistake. Everybody has flaws, everybody has demons, everybody has ghosts, but I think you watch people and you see everybody trying to do their best.” Jason Katmis
What…even bankers, thieves and politicians? Well, reluctantly, I have to say, ‘Yes’. They could just be trapped by their own cultures, catch 22 situations, lack of skill and by fear.
That doesn’t mean we should put up with it. Yet it’s possible we need a deeper approach to people’s mistakes, in all walks of life, than criticism, public humiliation and even prison.
- Catch people, including yourself, doing things right. It has been proven that this is more effective in getting people to succeed than pointing out what they are doing wrong all the time.
- Give balanced feedback to yourself and others
This is sometimes known as a ‘feedback sandwich’. You tell people, or yourself, what you liked about their presentation, project, creative work, way of handling a situation, etc. Then you tell them something that would make it even better. Finally, make an overall positive comment.
When a client of mine used this with her daughter, her daughter said, ‘Oh, that’s like 3 stars and a wish.’ Apparently, in her daughter’s school, the teachers say 3 good things about what the students do and then state one wish about what the student could do better. Great idea! - Learn useful things for the future from your mistakes and avoid learnings that limit you.
For example, if a relationship has gone wrong, resolve to learn a new skill to make it better rather than tell yourself, ‘I’ll never trust men/women/my boss/that employee etc. again”.
“Experience is making mistakes and learning from them.” Bill Ackman - Remember: there is no failure, only feedback
If you fail to get a result you’re looking for or someone else does, what’s the feedback it’s giving you? Get curious about what needs to change to get the best result. Is it more skill, a change of mindset or…? - Remember that the only failure is the failure to learn something useful from your mistakes.
“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” Elbert Hubbard - “Do not take yourself too seriously. You have to learn not to be dismayed at making mistakes. No human being can avoid failures.” Lawrence Lovasik
You can’t make anything without making mistakes.” James Corden (comedian)
“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” Albert Einstein - Remember that you can always learn something new. It’s okay to wear your ‘L’ plate.
“I think it’s important for scientists to be a bit less arrogant, a bit more humble, recognising we are capable of making mistakes and being fallacious – which is increasingly serious in a society where our work may have unpredictable consequences.” Robert Winston
“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” Rita Mae Brown - Avoid the danger of hindsight. Hindsight is always 20/20 and it shouldn’t be used as a stick to beat yourself or others with. What I mean is, hindsight can put ourselves in danger of criticising ourselves and others too harshly for making mistakes and wrong choices that we could find out were wrong once we had chosen them and tried them out.
“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” Mahatma Gandhi - Make amends for your mistakes. People will accept your mistakes and your mistakes will be easier to live with, if you put right what you’ve done wrong and you demonstrate that you won’t make the same mistakes again. If someone else has made a mistake, show them how they can put things right and have the slate wiped clean.
“All men make mistakes, but a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong, and repairs the evil. The only crime is pride.” Sophocles - Get training, coaching and mentoring. As one CEO once told me, “Life’s too short to learn from all my mistakes.”
“Smart people learn from their mistakes. But the real sharp ones learn from the mistakes of others.” Brandon Mull
Are you interested in learning more about how you can achieve more personal, career and business success?
If you are, I’d like to offer you a free Coaching Discovery Session Do you feel that there are some work or personal relationships you need to tackle but you’re not sure how? Are you feeling frustrated because you’re not experiencing all the fulfilment, rewards and success that you want?
I have two complimentary spaces left for free Coaching Discovery Sessions this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are with your personal, career or business life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear about how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.
If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk
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