First impressions count.
Get them right, and you can go a long way towards achieving your goal:
- whether it's a job interview, a report on a pet project, a meeting, a presentation to potential customers, or even a date.
But get them wrong, and you can blow your opportunity from the start.
Or, at least, have to spend a lot of time and effort trying to get back on track.
Making a good impression is one of the most basic elements of effective communication.
So, some thoughts to help with how it's done.
First Impressions In Person
This is so simple, and so effective, but so often overlooked.
I had my Covid jab last week.
I don't like injections and medicines, and all that stuff, so I was jumpy about it.
But when I got to the centre, there were a couple of volunteers and a nurse outside, all smiling to greet me.
They must have seen hundreds of people, but still took the time to talk and be kind, and that made me feel like I was the only one who mattered.
Which relaxed me, and made the process far simpler.
I was even chatting away happily with the staff, and joking:
Nurse: which arm would you like your vaccination in?
Me: I’ve narrowed it down to one of two.
I was awarded a smiley for my spirit, as you can see in the picture, which just made me chuckle more.
The serious point being I would never have had such an easy time of it, were it not for the reassuring first impression of the staff's smiles.
Likewise, if you're giving a presentation, talking at a meeting, or even just asking a question, starting with a smile can really help you win over the room from the very beginning.
First Impressions Online
Webinars and video calls have become a feature of our lives, but good first impressions count there too.
A smile is a great start to any communication online just as much as in person.
It also helps to keep your camera turned on.
I had a nightmare training session where everyone in the group turned their cameras off as soon as we had begun.
It all went fine, but only because I'm used to talking and imagining an audience, a relic of my BBC days.
Once you've established a decent first impression, you can easily blow it by disappearing from view.
First Impressions In Email
You can easily make good or bad first impressions in email, and often without realising it.
To be honest, I don't like email at all.
The danger of misunderstandings, when you don't have the human touches of expressions, body language, and tone of voice is far too large for my taste.
But one way of at least warming the tone of your message is to take a sentence to say hello before you plunge into the detail.
Checking in with someone about how they are after their jab (much better now, thank you!), their weekend, the football last night etc., can ease the way into the business to come.
It's particularly important if you've got some difficult matters to write about.
First Impressions By Putting Yourself Second
One of the biggest first impression fails is to talk too much, and worse, about yourself, more of yourself, and a bit more about yourself.
A good friend of mine, codename Eric, once went out on a date with a girl he really liked.
I rang the next day to see how it went:
- Great (said Eric). I told her all about my job, my friends, my hobbies, my family, my life, what I like doing, my CD collection, the books I read, the lot.
- And what did you find out about her? (I asked)
- Um... not a lot.
- So, what happens next? Are you seeing her again?
- That's the strange thing. I've sent her a couple of messages, but she hasn't replied.
I don't think I need to say any more, do I?!
If you want to make a good first impression, experience suggests listening is a far more powerful tool than talking.
First Impressions On Social Media
I posted about my vaccination on social media, what a great job the NHS and the scientists who produced it were doing, and how glad I was to be jabbed...
And immediately got trolled for it.
By the way, if that ever happens to you, don't let it worry you in the slightest.
The kind of people who troll on social media aren't worth a second thought.
Just let them simmer away in their own self loathing.
But I am a journalist, writer, and investigator at heart, so I was interested enough to have a look at the trolls' bios.
Some were, as you'd expect, nothing, just anonymous, they're that brave.
Others though had the decency to identify themselves, or at least say who they think they are, or, oddly often, would like to be.
And guess what?
Yep, they were full of anger, venom and bitterness.
What a heartwarming first impression for anyone who has the misfortune to come into contact with them online.
First impressions, if you're a decent human anyway, are important on social media too.
You wouldn't tend to shout abuse at people you pass in the street, would you?
So why think it's ok online?
And you wouldn't describe yourself in a resume as a knight fighting to restore the country to its true and pure heritage, or stealing. drinking and causing trubble (sic), or any of the other charming bios I saw.
In contrast, my bio talks about me being a Lover of words, thought and feelings.
It might not be the best, but I hope it conjures an impression more of feeling than fighting.
In conclusion, I doubt it's a great revelation to anyone that, in this thing called life:
- people respond better to smiles, warmth and kindness than scowls, anger and bile.
Adopting a smile for life, in whatever form you happen to be living it in that moment, can take you a very, very long way.