The day of a wary police officer, a TV interview, and a breakthrough moment always reminds me of how to handle one of the most squirmy moments in a meeting.
It was the week before Remembrance Day.
Almost everyone was wearing a red paper poppy as a mark of respect for those who had died in war.
But the officer didn't have one.
He was very senior. I was a BBC News correspondent, about to interview him on camera.
And appearing on television without a poppy, that week, would have gone down badly.
I could sense the social media storm gathering.
We'd been doing the standard awkward chat. How cold it was. Looking forward to the weekend. All the usual pleasantries.
But there was no rapport.
So before we went anywhere near the questions, I took a risk and tapped my chest. He realised what I meant and looked horrified.
No poppy. And no time to find a shop to buy one.
So I asked my cameraman for the poppy from his jacket. And I lent it to the officer.
It was a tiny gesture. But it transformed our relationship.
Suddenly, he wasn't facing a potential enemy any more. He was talking to someone who was just trying to do the best for everyone concerned.
The interview that followed was a different conversation entirely.
Far more fluent. Far more interesting. Far, far more effective.
That's the bridge. The quick shift from preamble to business.
The small, human moment that makes progress possible.
Most meetings aren't quite that tense. But every one has a moment of quiet dread.
Not the presentation. Not the tough question. Not even the budget.
None of that. Instead, it's the bridge which looms ahead.
You've said hello. You've asked how we all are. You've agreed the weather is dreadful, or surprisingly lovely, or at least not as bad as the forecast promised.
Someone has mentioned their weekend.
And everyone knows what has to happen next.
Somebody has to steer the conversation from pleasant to purposeful.
But who? When?
And how do you do it without sounding abrupt, rude, or like a robot reading out an agenda?
It happens in boardrooms and coffee shops, on Zoom and Teams, at conference stands and in corridors.
It happens to chief executives and to graduates in their first week.
And almost nobody talks about it.
So let's do so. Because a few well-judged words can make a world of difference.
Small talk isn't small at all
First a confession. I used to think polite chit chat at the start of a meeting was a waste of time.
But I was wrong. And a scan through the research proves it.
A century ago, the Polish-British anthropologist Bronisław Malinowski was studying life in the Trobriand Islands, off the coast of Papua New Guinea.
He noticed that much everyday talk carried almost no information. It existed simply to bond people together.
When we chat about the weather, we're not really discussing the weather.
We're saying: I'm friendly. You're safe with me. We're on the same side.
And that matters.
In a well-known study from the United States, the wonderfully named "Schmooze or Lose", researchers asked people to negotiate by email.
Those who had a short, friendly getting-to-know-you chat beforehand reached more deals and hit fewer stalemates than those who went straight to business.
The lesson?
Small talk builds trust. So don't skip it.
Why is the bridge so awkward?
The answer is because everyone is waiting for it.
Pleasantries are effectively the queue for the business which needs to be done.
The longer the queue, the more uncomfortable it gets.
There's also a hidden question of status.
Research indicates it's usually the most senior person who decides when the small talk ends and the business begins.
Which explains a lot.
If it's unclear who's in charge, nobody wants to move first. Go too early and you seem rude. Go too late and you seem weak.
So everyone waits.
And the weather gets discussed, sometimes in quite extraordinary and painful detail.
How long should the small talk last?
Sadly, there's no magic number. If only there were. It depends on the people, the purpose, and very much on culture.
In the United States or the Netherlands, people may be itching to get going within a minute or two.
In much of the Middle East, Latin America or Asia, rushing the relationship part can feel disrespectful, and the warm-up may last far longer.
If you work internationally, as so many of us now do, it's worth thinking about this before you meet.
Online, the rule shifts again. Small talk on a video call feels flatter and more forced, so it's usually best kept short and warm.
Six ways to cross the bridge of sighs
Excuse the Cambridge reference and one of our most famous landmarks.
More importantly, to the solutions to navigate that always awkward moment everyone knows is coming.
1. Own it
If you called the meeting, the bridge is yours. Don't wait for permission.
People are almost always relieved when someone takes charge.
2. Signpost it
A simple phrase does the work. "Right, shall we dive in?" "I know you're busy, so let's make a start." "Lovely to catch up. Now, the reason I wanted to talk..."
It's not rude. It's clear. And that clarity is a kindness.
3. Build the bridge from the chat
The smoothest transitions link the small talk to the business.
"Talking of hectic weeks, that's exactly why I wanted to look at the deadline." "You mentioned the new office. That ties in nicely with what we need to discuss."
That way, the conversation flows rather than lurches.
4. Use a physical cue
This is my favourite, because it's subtle yet effective.
Open your notebook. Sit forward. Pick up your pen. Share your screen.
Our bodies often signal the shift before our words do, and people pick up on it instantly.
5. Agree the destination early
A light touch at the start of a meeting helps enormously.
"We've got half an hour, and I'd love to leave with a decision on the launch date", for example.
Once everyone knows where you're heading, crossing the bridge feels natural rather than abrupt.
The big lesson
I often describe compelling communication as a bridge between you and your audience, held up by four pillars:
- Clarity, simplicity, brevity and authenticity.
The bridge from small talk to business is a smaller one. But it's built on exactly the same pillars.
Be clear that it's time. Keep it simple. Don't let it drag. And do it in your own natural way.
Small talk builds the trust.
The bridge puts that trust to work.
And the people who cross it with confidence are the ones who run the best meetings.
