Madeleine Morgan of Growu writes:
Most of us are brought up to be nice to people.
Being nice is supposed to:
- Be the secret to being liked
- The way to get others to be reasonable or reward us
- Be the way to follow the Golden Rule – treat others as you would like to be treated. And…most of us like to be treated nicely
A lot of the time the nice approach works for you because many people you deal with appreciate it and they are mature enough not to abuse your niceness.
But what about the costs of being nice?
What do you do when being ‘nice’ to a colleague, friend or family member means:
- You’re doing too much and burning out
- You’ve got so hooked on the rewards of being nice that you find it hard to say ‘no’ when you need to
- Friends, family and colleagues become over-dependent on you
- They’re being immature and not taking responsibility
- They’re taking advantage and don’t respect you or your needs
- Other people suffer e.g. being overly understanding with one member of your family or work team may mean burdening other family and team members
- Others are so used to you being nice they react badly when you have to be more assertive – especially if you’ve become so frustrated that you act aggressively
When you experience these costs to being nice you might wonder if being respected is worth more than being liked!
But…what if you didn’t have to make a choice?
What if you were skilled enough to be respected and liked?
Here’s a starting point:
- When others ask too much of you, stop assuming that the ‘nice’ way is to put up with the costs of being nice. Stop creating a lose-win. Assume there’s a win-win way and create that instead.
- People with a need to be liked find it difficult to change the world for the better. But people who can create win-wins find it much easier.
If you’d like to find out more about how to transform difficult work or personal relationships into effective and fulfilling ones, here are 2 options:
1. How to Deal With Difficult Conversations and Behaviour Assertively Workshop
March 27th 2014, Cambridge, 8.45 – 12.30
Are you:
- Avoiding talking about a difficult subject that needs to be aired at work?
- Or maybe you have employees and team members who are difficult to manage?
Then this half-day workshop for managers, owner managers and aspiring managers about how to remain assertive and in control of difficult people situations is for you. Click here for more details
“One of the most powerful lessons I learnt, is how to deal with difficult people – an invaluable seminar run by Madeleine. This was thought provoking, structured and fun!”
Aegean Thomson, Business Owner
2. If you prefer a 1-2-1 approach, try this Free Relationship Success Discovery Session
I have 2 complimentary spaces for 1-2-1 Relationship Success Sessions this month. During this coaching session, we’ll discuss the key work and personal relationships in your life that give you the most trouble and which you’d just like to make better. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your relationship success. We’ll get clear on how you ’d like your relationships to be. Then I’ll show you how you create the most effective working and rewarding personal relationship. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.
If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk
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